"Juliet found her Romeo" (words of JJ inspired by the Love Story)

I remember the many conversations i had with God since secondary school days regarding my future boyfriend... I remember asking questions like...

Was thinking about what to share in a student CG on Wednesday, coincidentally it's Malaysia Day. So i decided to gather some info and then have a discussion with the students about what it means to be a Malaysian Christian.

Sept 16 - Looking at our Malaysia flag in a new light
As i was thinking about my sharing in the morning, somehow there was this stirring inside my heart which makes me feel rather gloomy. I recalled those words said by students putting down our own country... those words can be pretty heart-piercing as i thought about it...

As i was driving to the campus for the CG, i kept listening to this song Doa Kami. While thinking about Malaysia, suddenly my eyes just welled up in tears... then what amazed me 1 minute later was that rain started falling. Quite a heavy rain though... In that moment, i felt as if God too is feeling sad to see our situation in Malaysia... especially towards we Christians.

Another amazing encounter i had was as i stopped at 3 traffic lights. At each traffic light I saw a Malaysia flag flying in front of me. Don't know why i felt as if i've never looked at the flag that way before... It was very nicely being flagged. Then i remembered a student told me last week that she learned from other country that  people there would come before a flag-pole and pray facing the flag-pole. What a way to remember their country...

5 East Malaysian students came for the CG that day, for a moment they too have forgotten that it's Malaysia Day. We had a good discussion together about Malaysia. They have also enlightened me about what East Malaysians think about Malaysia. Our discussion ended with prayers for country. It was really nice to hear students praying for our country... i could see that it's difficult for them to pray for our country... but they did it.

Since i joined FES, i've learned to see God in the bigger picture... It's not just me and God, me others and God, but me the world and God... it grows bigger because we believe God is in every areas of our lives.

Part of my mind has been thinking about this image, and it does speak of something to me...

3 weeks ago, i attended Lay Gin's wedding in KK. It was also a time i could spent with Aaron and Michelle who was back from Brisbane for holiday. It was also my privilege to attend Michelle's grandmother's baptism, she is about 70+ age i think. Michelle stays with her grandma and i'm glad to see that her grandma is still clear-minded and strong. Before i left KK after spending time there for 5 days, i held her grandma's hand and said my goodbye, Michelle said that her grandma's eyes seems to be tearing. I guess her grandma could feel that one week after i leave will be Michelle's turn to leave her. I'm sure she is very sad...

When i came home, i told my mum about Michelle's grandma.  And mum was telling me stories about my grandma too. I have not visited my grandma for a very long time. I was shocked to hear stories from my mum that grandma now is staying in a house which the roof is leaking.  So everytime when the rain comes, the house will be flooded. And my poor grandma would be scooping the water and dry up the place by herself.  She stays next to my aunt (my mum's sister), actually my grandma's house belongs to that aunt's daughter. I'm sad to know that though everyone there knows that the roof is leaking, yet they did not want to do anything about it. An uncle said that actually he could have put up something to tahan the water from leaking, yet he's so afraid of the aunt's daughter! When asked why the daughter didn't want to fix the roof, she said she has no money. (but the house belongs to her!) Mum told me that nobody likes grandma in that family. Mum was tearing when she was telling me stories of my grandma... and i've never seen my mum cried before all these years.

Mum was saying people today don't like to be asked too many things (where are you going? going with who? when are you coming back? etc etc) But grandparents are like that, don't they? I remember last time when i was still in secondary school days i dislike my grandma asking all these too.  But since my another grandmother has passed away last year, i realised the importance of communications with loved ones... before it's too late to say anything to them. Come to think about it, perhaps by asking (where are you going? going with who? when are you coming back? etc etc) these are just small conversations they wanna initiate with us.  If they don't initaite with us, most probably we won't say anything at all to them, isn't that true?  When people grow old, communications become lesser and lesser, or rather shorter and shorter.  Either they will lose their memories, or they will become more and more naggy, or... weak and weaker. Remember my the other grandmother who had Alzheimer, she used to repeat her sentences many times... then slowly, a few words... then a word... then not saying anything, only gave us her facial expressions.  It's sad-lah...

The saddest thing that i heard from my mum as she continues was... my aunt's daughter actually has decided to sell off that house which my grandma is now staying.  She put up a sign outside her house to say that it's for rent after a big quarrel with my mum when my mum asked her to treat grandma a little better! Gosh! How harsh could a person go! And she is a Christian!!!!! And my mum was asking me... all this while she sees differences in Christians, but why not HER!!! My mum says, no matter how bad a person goes, that is still your relatives, your grandma... and she may not be here forever! Already so old... 80+ years old... have to always scoop water... what if she falls while doing it?!?!!? Now everytime when it rains, i'll think of my grandma... it has been raining so frequent lately. I'm really worried for her... that she may fall when scooping the water...

  Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
       only a day for a man to humble himself?
       Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
       and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
       Is that what you call a fast,
       a day acceptable to the LORD ?

  "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
       to loose the chains of injustice
       and untie the cords of the yoke,
       to set the oppressed free
       and break every yoke?

  Is it not to share your food with the hungry
       and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
       when you see the naked, to clothe him,
       and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
       and your healing will quickly appear;
       then your righteousness will go before you,
       and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
       you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

                                                                         Isaiah 58: 5-9a

Mum brought up the issue of me not bringing my grandma together for dinner with my aunt.  And i used to give her the reasons "because aunty doesn't like her, so i didn't bring her along".  Mum scolded me for not standing up for my grandma, and i'm truly guilty of doing it! When everyone is against my grandmother, am i not supposed to stand up for her, to defend her and to love her? Why do i feel scared of offending my other relatives when the right thing to do is to love my grandma?  I admit that sometimes i'm blinded... but since my mum brought up the issue, it really causes me to repent for having to treat my grandma like that!

So last week i visited my grandma, and you know what?  It's really sad to see her sitting alone in the house by herself.  It's almost like the picture that i attached on top! She was sitting there alone and massaging her weak legs.  I just can't withold my tears when i saw her in that condition... While chatting with her, i thought back about those times i actually hurt her and those times i felt angry of her when she asked me soooooooo many questions. I also thought back about those nice cookings, those nice quilting that she did which put a smile back on my face.  I am also glad that for her age... she is still so strong and clear-minded! And i've decided the next round when i go dinner with aunt, i'll bring her along though many may not like her. I'm truly guilty and sad of how i didn't treat her nicely last time... and i really wanna do something different.

I'm sure it must have saddens God's heart too when i did that! God's calling is always higher and harder... i've been thinking about the verses above... It's not easy... but when we call unto Him for help, and the LORD will answer : "Here am I". It's not easy to do the things He asked us to do... but He will be with us and help us.