| | From one extreme to the other extreme...
As i arrived in the Chinese camp, i was still feeling very emotional, i find it very difficult to adapt myself to something new after grieving for 3 days. I also realised the need to do my part in the camp to do what i'm assigned to do, i dare not trouble other staff to take on my responsibilities, they had enough work on their own. As much as i wanted to try pushing myself to do my work, i just felt so tired and lack of strength. In the end i just had to speak to my colleague and let her do my part. It was really uneasy for me... i feel bad troubling people yet i find myself not having the energy to go on.
The next day i was asked to sleep in and try getting enough rest before i start my day. I'm really thankful for that extra sleeping hours, if not maybe i would find myself even worst. Slowly i try to mix with the students, trying to get myself arrive at camp. Thank God for the games time where i get to scream and run around at the field with mud! That was the time i get to know more about my chalet family students... games helps me to break the ice with them! It was after that i slowly find myself adapting well in the camp. Then at night i volunteered myself to do the chalet family sharing session... was wondering whether i could do it, but i just see the need of me doing it since other staff are busy with other things. At the end of the chalet family sharing, i can truly say that "I HAVE ARRIVED IN CAMP!"  Before this i felt as if my soul is not in the body, my mind was not with me! But that night itself, i could truly felt that i have finally arrived at camp and i'm getting a hang of things! 
I really thank God for sustaining me and He gives me the strength to carry on for the rest of the camp! I thank Him for enabling me to speak Mandarin. Just when i thought i might have difficulty with the students... my Mandarin turns out to be a humour to them! So everytime i talk, they will be very amused by the way i speak. Suddenly i find myself being a clown in the camp! You can imagine me-lah, when i'm stuck with my words trying to think of the Chinese word, my hands will go on flapping with excitement! *hee hee! At the end of the camp, there were students thanking me for being an instrument of humour to them!  I want to pen this down because i really think it wasn't me who could do such a thing! It was really God who has been holding me very closely and sustaining me throughout the camp! I thought that i would have collapsed after sometime... How could i still be so happily smiling and entertaining the students right after my grandma's death which i'm still grieving about?! It was really by His strength that He enables me! I really thank God from the bottom of my heart! Indeed, all glory and honour belongs to Him!
During camp closing i find my tears just couldn't stop dropping as much i tried to hide and stop it. I just don't know why... maybe Chinese worship songs are very emotional? I'm serious... i find the Chinese worship songs are very touching and tears-provoking. Another reason could be my heart couldn't take the extreme emotions anymore... 3 days of crying and grieving, 3 days of clowning and laughter, guess i have been too harsh with my heart/emotions. I just reached the stage of breaking down. But i still try to hold back and i was trying to comfort my heart that i will let "you" cry all you want when i get back from camp, as for now, just hang on a little while, k!? I managed to keep it for awhile... but when the staff are going around praying for each student, tears just streamed down to my cheeks while praying for them. What do i see? I see tears in their eyes, I see students dedicating their lives to God, i see students wanting to change! I finally understood what one of my colleagues said about finding it hard to take it when she sees guys crying. My heart aches when a guy student's eyes were filled with tears telling me that he has always been a Sunday Christian and he wants to change! As much as i'm not fluent praying in Chinese, i was moved with tears and i prayed in Chinese. In the same time, my heart was really moved to see how God has been working in this camp, how He has been speaking to each student. Every night at chalet family sharing, i hear different ones sharing so much about what they have learned in camp and how they are excited to bring what they have learned back to their own campuses. What else should i say? All glory and praise be unto God! Just like each student has experienced the touch of God, i myself also have witnessed how He has carried me through the tough week... and how He enables me to speak in Mandarin and despite all that had happened i still able to enjoy my time with the students in the camp!
The song below is my response to my tough week. I really love this version of "In Christ Alone"!
In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand
Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source
of hope is Christ alone
In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains
But losses to the glory of my Lord
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| | Posted 5/30/2008 6:18 PM - 70 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
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