| | Guard your heart, Ee Ling!
It
has been two weeks of being swung like a yo-yo. Sometimes joyful...
sometimes filled with tears. Just when i thought that i have debriefed
myself from my grandma's death and the recent camp, there were more
things to come. Sometimes i can feel that my heart has been squeezed
so badly, i just find it hard to breathe.
2 major things that happened this week which left me feeling "helpless"
and "detached". 2 friends have been reminding me to guard my heart -
not to be so soft-hearted and not to be so harsh to myself to carry
people's burdens as if it's my own. Being a staff in FES, i've always
been reminded the danger of the "messiah complex" (trying to play the
Saviour's role in rescuing people from their problems). But for these
2 cases, there isn't any opportunity for me to help... i just have to
lean on prayers alone and wait for God to deliver! That's why i feel
so helpless... 
"Detachment"
is such a lonely word. Friends around me have been this problem, and
i've been talking to them assuring them that it's very difficult to go
through the recovery journey alone... it's very painful... things
changed and you have to
slowly accepts it though each step is a pinch to the heart. I thought
i had experienced going through the detachment period, that's why i
know how my friends are coping now. But little do i know that i have
to face that too! Just when i thought that i would have the support of
my very good friend during my difficult moment, but he has gone
missing. I'm shocked to hear about what he has been busy with... hmmm. Oh well, i guess when you feel very
overwhelmed that time you would wish that your good friend understands
you and support you (what's more when your friend says he will be your
keeper?) Of course i do know that humans will fail each other... no
matter how close you are to someone, they will not be able to replace
God's place in our lives. But sometimes is just so hard to do. How
can we be good friends yet not having expectations?
I'll
be going for STOMP (Students Together On Mission Partnership) on 14-28
June in Kuching. Now the staff are busy preparing for this event. As
i'm struggling to work out the things that i have to prepare, i keep
finding my heart is failing me. As i take a step back to think about
what has been happening in my life, my heart has been on the yo-yo mode
and it's affecting me! I would consider it as part of the spiritual
warfare that i'm going through. So dear friends, i would really
appreciate you to cover me and the team with prayers in this coming
week and if can, 14-28 June as well! 
Pst pst... my job is not just happily going for camps ok... each camp involves spiritual warfare and lots of mental work! 
I'm in the progress of improving my Bahasa now... and also Bahasa Iban! Here's a song that i like! When all things fails... we still have a Bapa yang kekal!
Kasih
yang sempurna telah
Kuterima dari-Mu
Bukan kerana kebaikanku
Hanya oleh kasih karunia-Mu
Kau pulihkan aku
Layakkanku untuk dapat
Memanggilmu Bapa
Kau beri yang ku pinta
Saat ku mencari ku mendapatkan
Ku ketuk pintu-Mu
Dan Kau bukakan
Sbab Kau Bapaku Bapa yang Kekal
Takkan Kau biarkan
Aku melangkah hanya sendirian
Kau selalu ada bagiku
Sbab Kau Bapaku Bapa yang kekal
There's a heavy downpour this afternoon... |
| | Posted 6/7/2008 8:53 PM - 183 Views - 2 eProps - 2 comments
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