elwong_20's Xanga

Monday, September 21, 2009

Mon, 21 Sep 2009 06:31:33 GMT

"Juliet found her Romeo" (words of JJ inspired by the Love Story)

I remember the many conversations i had with God since secondary school days regarding my future boyfriend... I remember asking questions like...

When will be the right time i have a boyfriend?
Who will he be?
Is he the guy?
Will i ever get a boyfriend?
How long more oh God?
Where are the Christian men?
Why are the guys like that?

and many more similar questions about my future boyfriend...

Some famous questions that friends would usually ask me...

You got boyfriend already ah?
How come still don't have one?
So and so not good-meh? Your church friends leh? Work place leh?
You have high expectations, is it?

I also remember statements that i made like...

Good Christian men are hard to find these days...
It'll be a miracle if i can find a boyfriend...
High expectations? But i only have 2 criteria: someone who loves God, loves people; understand/receptive of FES work (but still hard to find...) Maybe it'll be a bonus if he's like my dad - a handyman.

And usually i'll tell my friends, if i have a boyfriend, i'll make sure i mass sms everyone on my phonebook... *grins*

About 2 years ago, i crossed path with a guy whom we have never thought that we could be possibly be each other's couple. His name is Mark. Both of us are very different from each other. Though there were lots of teasings going on, but in our hearts we didn't think it's possible. To me, it was like an impossible for us to get together.

2 years later, with the latest project that we worked together... something begins to spark off without us realising it coming. As i rethink about the possiblity of us getting together, what was once seems impossible begins to seem possible. Mark is someone who has matched the criteria that i hope to find in a guy. With the many special encounters we had during that project, it seems to be some confirmation to me that it's possible for us to work things out. And so... we talked about things after the project was over... prayed about it, talked to people about it... waited for a month and then we started our journey together in July. It was really an amazing encounter how God brought the 2 of us together, Mark and i are truly amazed by Him.

Our journey ahead will have alot of challenges... ie: to live under the Lordship of Christ in this area of relationship, to set an example to others, to find time to be with each other (he's working in Malacca), etc etc. God has indeed blessed us alot. I'm glad that our journey has our God to be with us and guide us through it all. Would definitely cherish your prayers for us too!

To my friends, sorry lah, i don't think i'll mass sms you all about my status now. I feel that it's weird if i were to do so. Usually it's when people asked only we would tell... so yea, here's our story. And if you were to ask me is he the one? (famous question among the girls). My answer would be, we will never able to know whether he's the one. God gives us wisdom in discerning and He guides us in our decisions. One thing i know is that, love is a choice to make a commitment. And so... I've made my choice to commit. The road ahead is really a journey of trust in our mighty God.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:12:02 GMT

Was thinking about what to share in a student CG on Wednesday, coincidentally it's Malaysia Day. So i decided to gather some info and then have a discussion with the students about what it means to be a Malaysian Christian.

Sept 16 - Looking at our Malaysia flag in a new light
As i was thinking about my sharing in the morning, somehow there was this stirring inside my heart which makes me feel rather gloomy. I recalled those words said by students putting down our own country... those words can be pretty heart-piercing as i thought about it...

As i was driving to the campus for the CG, i kept listening to this song Doa Kami. While thinking about Malaysia, suddenly my eyes just welled up in tears... then what amazed me 1 minute later was that rain started falling. Quite a heavy rain though... In that moment, i felt as if God too is feeling sad to see our situation in Malaysia... especially towards we Christians.

Another amazing encounter i had was as i stopped at 3 traffic lights. At each traffic light I saw a Malaysia flag flying in front of me. Don't know why i felt as if i've never looked at the flag that way before... It was very nicely being flagged. Then i remembered a student told me last week that she learned from other country that people there would come before a flag-pole and pray facing the flag-pole. What a way to remember their country...

5 East Malaysian students came for the CG that day, for a moment they too have forgotten that it's Malaysia Day. We had a good discussion together about Malaysia. They have also enlightened me about what East Malaysians think about Malaysia. Our discussion ended with prayers for country. It was really nice to hear students praying for our country... i could see that it's difficult for them to pray for our country... but they did it.

Since i joined FES, i've learned to see God in the bigger picture... It's not just me and God, me others and God, but me the world and God... it grows bigger because we believe God is in every areas of our lives.

DOA KAMI
Bagi bangsa ini kami berdiri
Dan membawa doa kami kepadaMu
Sesuatu yang besar pasti terjadi
dan mengubahkan negeri kami

Hanya namaMu Tuhan ditinggikan
atas seluruh bumi

Syukur untuk setiap rencanaMu
Dan rancanganMu yang mulia
Dalam satu tubuh kami bersatu
Mencari duta kerajaanMu

Kuucapkan berkat
atas Malaysia
Biar kemuliaan Tuhan
akan nyata

Bagi bangsa ini kami berdiri
dan membawa doa kami kepadaMu
Sesuatu yang besar pasti terjadi
dan mengubahkan negeri kami

Hanya namaMu Tuhan ditinggikan
atas seluruh bumi

Kami tahu hatiMu ada di bangsa ini ...

Bagi bangsa ini kami berdiri
dan membawa doa kami kepadaMu
Sesuatu yang besar pasti terjadi
dan mengubahkan negeri kami

Indeed, God's heart is with the world... in our bangsa: Malaysia.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:09:12 GMT

Wow... didn't expect that my this latest post would be the time where my grandma has shifted into my house! It's been many months since i last posted. One thing after another, things happened and in the end, my grandma is living with us now!

Thursday night was kinda significant because my sister and i brought my grandma together with our two maids to "buka puasa". One of our maids is leaving back to her home country, so we had a farewell dinner for her. Bringing my grandma on her wheelchair to a shopping mall was quite an experience for me and my sister.

From observing my surroundings, i hardly see people bringing somebody on wheelchair to shopping malls. Somehow i see people kinda looked at us as if it's something new to bring someone on wheelchair out in the mall. Oh well, that's not important, sis and i were super glad to see how happy grandma was while being brought around to places. Mum says grandma loves to see people and go around seeing things... but i never knew how much she loves it until we brought her out. She said she has not been to mall at this age for a very long time, and never thought she could still go out like that with us. We were glad to see her enjoying her food like never before we have seen that smile from her.

Bringing my grandma out do make me realised some things...
1. Talking to grandma requires lots of patience and energy... cause we need to keep her spirit up-lifted. So sis and i find ourselves talking to her as if she is a kid. By the time we got home, we felt super tired.

2. I saw how my grandma shifted her mood at times because of her tiredness (it was pass her bedtime). She became grumpy at times... and that was the time where i find that by saying something funny will just change the whole situation. I really think handling with old people requires some sort of skill and patience of course. Very often we may just retaliate or fight back when grandparents reacted in certain ways. But i realised, we can't really use that way to respond to them cause it'll just lead to situation getting worse. Very often our hearts will straight away cry out the first immediate reaction without thinking about it deeper and respond slower. I learned to slow down, and let grandma be first instead of me first.

Time and time again i realised that Christianity is not just about talking, talking, talking... challenge comes where we need to live it out.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Tue, 14 Apr 2009 02:45:12 GMT

Something different this Easter...

Things happened very fast and unexpected, my parents said yes in joining my aunt, my sis, and i to Calvary Church Easter Presentation last Saturday. While driving there, i felt so happy as if we as a family are attending a church together. That is always my dream...

I'm glad that there was Chinese section, where my mum could put on the earphone to hear the Chinese translation. Throughout the play, dad on and off also asked questions about the play. I'm glad that the Easter presentation helps my parents to understand more about how Jesus came and what He did!

Throughout the worship session and the presentation, i myself have been touched personally by what the church has done! It was altogether a wonderfully done presentation. I'm moved by the song "At the Cross", can't stop telling my sis how much i was moved by that and i've been listening to that song over and over again since then. Oh, there's a very moving scene when the people were trying to lift down Jesus from the cross, the worship team came up and staring at the cross while singing the song "Once again i looked upon the cross where You died, i'm humbled by Your mercy and i'm broken inside". That scene was so appropriate and altogether lovely portraying the love of Jesus, the song ties in very well with that scene! And that scene captures me alot.

The visual aid of the presentation was very great that it keeps playing in my mind over and over again. While i was there seeing the presentation, i felt as if i'm back to the world of Jesus that time. Over the weekend i've been reading Jesus' journey to the cross, to the tomb, out of the tomb and I felt a sense of reluctant to go back to reality to this world. I wish i could stay at that scene... back in those days. After awhile of meditating... i think i'm at the state where i really miss Him. And i really long to see Him again...

At the Cross
Oh Lord You've searched me
You know my way
Even when I fail You
I know You love me

Your holy presence
Surrounding me
In every season
I know You love me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now

You go before me
You shield my way
Your hand upholds me
I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where Your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now (x2)

You tore the veil
You made a way
When You said that it is done (x2)

And when the earth fades
Falls from my eyes
And You stand before me
I know You love me
Oh.. I know You love me

At the cross I bow my knee
Where your blood was shed for me
There's no greater love than this
You have overcome the grave
Your glory fills the highest place
What can separate me now? (x2)

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Tue, 03 Mar 2009 10:28:34 GMT

Part of my mind has been thinking about this image, and it does speak of something to me...

3 weeks ago, i attended Lay Gin's wedding in KK. It was also a time i could spent with Aaron and Michelle who was back from Brisbane for holiday. It was also my privilege to attend Michelle's grandmother's baptism, she is about 70+ age i think. Michelle stays with her grandma and i'm glad to see that her grandma is still clear-minded and strong. Before i left KK after spending time there for 5 days, i held her grandma's hand and said my goodbye, Michelle said that her grandma's eyes seems to be tearing. I guess her grandma could feel that one week after i leave will be Michelle's turn to leave her. I'm sure she is very sad...

When i came home, i told my mum about Michelle's grandma. And mum was telling me stories about my grandma too. I have not visited my grandma for a very long time. I was shocked to hear stories from my mum that grandma now is staying in a house which the roof is leaking. So everytime when the rain comes, the house will be flooded. And my poor grandma would be scooping the water and dry up the place by herself. She stays next to my aunt (my mum's sister), actually my grandma's house belongs to that aunt's daughter. I'm sad to know that though everyone there knows that the roof is leaking, yet they did not want to do anything about it. An uncle said that actually he could have put up something to tahan the water from leaking, yet he's so afraid of the aunt's daughter! When asked why the daughter didn't want to fix the roof, she said she has no money. (but the house belongs to her!) Mum told me that nobody likes grandma in that family. Mum was tearing when she was telling me stories of my grandma... and i've never seen my mum cried before all these years.

Mum was saying people today don't like to be asked too many things (where are you going? going with who? when are you coming back? etc etc) But grandparents are like that, don't they? I remember last time when i was still in secondary school days i dislike my grandma asking all these too. But since my another grandmother has passed away last year, i realised the importance of communications with loved ones... before it's too late to say anything to them. Come to think about it, perhaps by asking (where are you going? going with who? when are you coming back? etc etc) these are just small conversations they wanna initiate with us. If they don't initaite with us, most probably we won't say anything at all to them, isn't that true? When people grow old, communications become lesser and lesser, or rather shorter and shorter. Either they will lose their memories, or they will become more and more naggy, or... weak and weaker. Remember my the other grandmother who had Alzheimer, she used to repeat her sentences many times... then slowly, a few words... then a word... then not saying anything, only gave us her facial expressions. It's sad-lah...

The saddest thing that i heard from my mum as she continues was... my aunt's daughter actually has decided to sell off that house which my grandma is now staying. She put up a sign outside her house to say that it's for rent after a big quarrel with my mum when my mum asked her to treat grandma a little better! Gosh! How harsh could a person go! And she is a Christian!!!!! And my mum was asking me... all this while she sees differences in Christians, but why not HER!!! My mum says, no matter how bad a person goes, that is still your relatives, your grandma... and she may not be here forever! Already so old... 80+ years old... have to always scoop water... what if she falls while doing it?!?!!? Now everytime when it rains, i'll think of my grandma... it has been raining so frequent lately. I'm really worried for her... that she may fall when scooping the water...

Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
       only a day for a man to humble himself?
       Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
       and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
       Is that what you call a fast,
       a day acceptable to the LORD ?

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
       to loose the chains of injustice
       and untie the cords of the yoke,
       to set the oppressed free
       and break every yoke?

Is it not to share your food with the hungry
       and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
       when you see the naked, to clothe him,
       and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
       and your healing will quickly appear;
       then your righteousness will go before you,
       and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Isaiah 58: 5-9a

Mum brought up the issue of me not bringing my grandma together for dinner with my aunt. And i used to give her the reasons "because aunty doesn't like her, so i didn't bring her along". Mum scolded me for not standing up for my grandma, and i'm truly guilty of doing it! When everyone is against my grandmother, am i not supposed to stand up for her, to defend her and to love her? Why do i feel scared of offending my other relatives when the right thing to do is to love my grandma? I admit that sometimes i'm blinded... but since my mum brought up the issue, it really causes me to repent for having to treat my grandma like that!

So last week i visited my grandma, and you know what? It's really sad to see her sitting alone in the house by herself. It's almost like the picture that i attached on top! She was sitting there alone and massaging her weak legs. I just can't withold my tears when i saw her in that condition... While chatting with her, i thought back about those times i actually hurt her and those times i felt angry of her when she asked me soooooooo many questions. I also thought back about those nice cookings, those nice quilting that she did which put a smile back on my face. I am also glad that for her age... she is still so strong and clear-minded! And i've decided the next round when i go dinner with aunt, i'll bring her along though many may not like her. I'm truly guilty and sad of how i didn't treat her nicely last time... and i really wanna do something different.

I'm sure it must have saddens God's heart too when i did that! God's calling is always higher and harder... i've been thinking about the verses above... It's not easy... but when we call unto Him for help, and the LORD will answer : "Here am I". It's not easy to do the things He asked us to do... but He will be with us and help us.

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 13:53:30 GMT

Guard your heart, Ee Ling!

It has been two weeks of being swung like a yo-yo. Sometimes joyful... sometimes filled with tears. Just when i thought that i have debriefed myself from my grandma's death and the recent camp, there were more things to come. Sometimes i can feel that my heart has been squeezed so badly, i just find it hard to breathe.

2 major things that happened this week which left me feeling "helpless" and "detached". 2 friends have been reminding me to guard my heart - not to be so soft-hearted and not to be so harsh to myself to carry people's burdens as if it's my own. Being a staff in FES, i've always been reminded the danger of the "messiah complex" (trying to play the Saviour's role in rescuing people from their problems). But for these 2 cases, there isn't any opportunity for me to help... i just have to lean on prayers alone and wait for God to deliver! That's why i feel so helpless...

"Detachment" is such a lonely word. Friends around me have been this problem, and i've been talking to them assuring them that it's very difficult to go through the recovery journey alone... it's very painful... things changed and you have to slowly accepts it though each step is a pinch to the heart. I thought i had experienced going through the detachment period, that's why i know how my friends are coping now. But little do i know that i have to face that too! Just when i thought that i would have the support of my very good friend during my difficult moment, but he has gone missing. I'm shocked to hear about what he has been busy with... hmmm. Oh well, i guess when you feel very overwhelmed that time you would wish that your good friend understands you and support you (what's more when your friend says he will be your keeper?) Of course i do know that humans will fail each other... no matter how close you are to someone, they will not be able to replace God's place in our lives. But sometimes is just so hard to do. How can we be good friends yet not having expectations?

I'll be going for STOMP (Students Together On Mission Partnership) on 14-28 June in Kuching. Now the staff are busy preparing for this event. As i'm struggling to work out the things that i have to prepare, i keep finding my heart is failing me. As i take a step back to think about what has been happening in my life, my heart has been on the yo-yo mode and it's affecting me! I would consider it as part of the spiritual warfare that i'm going through. So dear friends, i would really appreciate you to cover me and the team with prayers in this coming week and if can, 14-28 June as well!

Pst pst... my job is not just happily going for camps ok... each camp involves spiritual warfare and lots of mental work!

I'm in the progress of improving my Bahasa now... and also Bahasa Iban! Here's a song that i like! When all things fails... we still have a Bapa yang kekal!

Kasih yang sempurna telah
Kuterima dari-Mu
Bukan kerana kebaikanku
Hanya oleh kasih karunia-Mu
Kau pulihkan aku
Layakkanku untuk dapat
Memanggilmu Bapa
Kau beri yang ku pinta
Saat ku mencari ku mendapatkan
Ku ketuk pintu-Mu
Dan Kau bukakan
Sbab Kau Bapaku Bapa yang Kekal
Takkan Kau biarkan
Aku melangkah hanya sendirian
Kau selalu ada bagiku
Sbab Kau Bapaku Bapa yang kekal

There's a heavy downpour this afternoon...

Friday, May 30, 2008

Fri, 30 May 2008 11:18:12 GMT

From one extreme to the other extreme...

As i arrived in the Chinese camp, i was still feeling very emotional, i find it very difficult to adapt myself to something new after grieving for 3 days. I also realised the need to do my part in the camp to do what i'm assigned to do, i dare not trouble other staff to take on my responsibilities, they had enough work on their own. As much as i wanted to try pushing myself to do my work, i just felt so tired and lack of strength. In the end i just had to speak to my colleague and let her do my part. It was really uneasy for me... i feel bad troubling people yet i find myself not having the energy to go on.

The next day i was asked to sleep in and try getting enough rest before i start my day. I'm really thankful for that extra sleeping hours, if not maybe i would find myself even worst. Slowly i try to mix with the students, trying to get myself arrive at camp. Thank God for the games time where i get to scream and run around at the field with mud! That was the time i get to know more about my chalet family students... games helps me to break the ice with them! It was after that i slowly find myself adapting well in the camp. Then at night i volunteered myself to do the chalet family sharing session... was wondering whether i could do it, but i just see the need of me doing it since other staff are busy with other things. At the end of the chalet family sharing, i can truly say that "I HAVE ARRIVED IN CAMP!" Before this i felt as if my soul is not in the body, my mind was not with me! But that night itself, i could truly felt that i have finally arrived at camp and i'm getting a hang of things!

I really thank God for sustaining me and He gives me the strength to carry on for the rest of the camp! I thank Him for enabling me to speak Mandarin. Just when i thought i might have difficulty with the students... my Mandarin turns out to be a humour to them! So everytime i talk, they will be very amused by the way i speak. Suddenly i find myself being a clown in the camp! You can imagine me-lah, when i'm stuck with my words trying to think of the Chinese word, my hands will go on flapping with excitement! *hee hee! At the end of the camp, there were students thanking me for being an instrument of humour to them! I want to pen this down because i really think it wasn't me who could do such a thing! It was really God who has been holding me very closely and sustaining me throughout the camp! I thought that i would have collapsed after sometime... How could i still be so happily smiling and entertaining the students right after my grandma's death which i'm still grieving about?! It was really by His strength that He enables me! I really thank God from the bottom of my heart! Indeed, all glory and honour belongs to Him!

During camp closing i find my tears just couldn't stop dropping as much i tried to hide and stop it. I just don't know why... maybe Chinese worship songs are very emotional? I'm serious... i find the Chinese worship songs are very touching and tears-provoking. Another reason could be my heart couldn't take the extreme emotions anymore... 3 days of crying and grieving, 3 days of clowning and laughter, guess i have been too harsh with my heart/emotions. I just reached the stage of breaking down. But i still try to hold back and i was trying to comfort my heart that i will let "you" cry all you want when i get back from camp, as for now, just hang on a little while, k!? I managed to keep it for awhile... but when the staff are going around praying for each student, tears just streamed down to my cheeks while praying for them. What do i see? I see tears in their eyes, I see students dedicating their lives to God, i see students wanting to change! I finally understood what one of my colleagues said about finding it hard to take it when she sees guys crying. My heart aches when a guy student's eyes were filled with tears telling me that he has always been a Sunday Christian and he wants to change! As much as i'm not fluent praying in Chinese, i was moved with tears and i prayed in Chinese. In the same time, my heart was really moved to see how God has been working in this camp, how He has been speaking to each student. Every night at chalet family sharing, i hear different ones sharing so much about what they have learned in camp and how they are excited to bring what they have learned back to their own campuses. What else should i say? All glory and praise be unto God! Just like each student has experienced the touch of God, i myself also have witnessed how He has carried me through the tough week... and how He enables me to speak in Mandarin and despite all that had happened i still able to enjoy my time with the students in the camp!

The song below is my response to my tough week. I really love this version of "In Christ Alone"!

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I've been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I overcome
Oh I could stop and count successes
Like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal
To the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory let it be said of me
My source of strength, my source
of hope is Christ alone

In Christ alone will I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
And only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor
Than just to know Him more
And to count my gains
But losses to the glory of my Lord

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wed, 28 May 2008 08:24:12 GMT

I kinda like Mariah Carey's latest song "Bye Bye"...

This is for my peoples who just lost somebody
Your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady
Put your hand way up high, we will never say bye

Mamas, daddies, sisters, brothers, friends and cousins
This is for my peoples who lost their grandmothers
Lift your head to the sky cause we will never say bye

Not that i'm a fan of Mariah Carey, is just that this song was played on the radio at the right time...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wed, 28 May 2008 07:48:07 GMT

Many unexpected things happened...
After i posted my previous entry, i was preparing myself to sleep. Just when i was about to greet parents goodnight, mum told me that grandma was admitted to the hospital. Mum and dad were rushing to the hospital, my heart was beating very fast. Somehow i'm expecting something bad would happen... and i guess that explains why the whole day i've been feeling so anxious and my heart was not at peace. The next moment i heard the phone rang... aunt called to say that grandma has fallen asleep. She died at the age of 82 without any sickness... it was like she has fallen asleep that kinda feeling.

So the 3 of us rushed to the hospital... so many thoughts were in my mind at that time. I was deeply worried about the camp which starts the next day. Guess i was really out of my mind to even dare asking my mum whether i can still go for the camp? Come to think about it, it wasn't a question, it was a statement i told her that i would still want to attend the camp. I would never forget how my mum responded to me (it sounds harsher in Chinese) "Cannot! That's your grandma! Wouldn't we take leave if our relatives pass away?" I was stunned and i was awake! I thought to myself how could i have said such a thing at that time?! Guess i was very worried that the camp might short of staff... But after thinking through and talked to my colleagues, i came to realize how important it is to be with my family at this point of time. And family should come first before anything else! *tears. I apologize to my mum to have said such a statement at that time.

The 3 days of funeral services had happened very quickly. It was a very fast "open-close" experiences. One moment i cry when i see my grandma lying in the hospital... next moment busy handling my work to other staff... one moment the whole family come together to prepare the necessaries... next moment sitting there having nothing to do was trying to convince myself that my presence is enough during that time... one moment the family gather together for the Christian service, next moment we were talking to the guests who came to pay their last respect to my grandma. Another moment sobbing going around the casket to say goodbye to grandma, next moment was silently sitting in the bus journeying to the Christian Memorial Centre in Semenyih. Next moment we mourned when we saw the burial service which was the most painful part... then the next moment we sat silently in the bus thinking about what had happened. It was during this time i find that things happened very quickly... right after all these, i decided to go for the camp. Sister also came back from the 3 weeks Camp Cameron for the funeral... so the 2 of us followed another colleague to go to Cameron to continue our respective camps. It wasn't easy for both my sister and i to go back to our camps... tears still streaming down when i drove to office to meet my colleague. Was still thinking whether am i making the right decision to go for the camp so immediately. Now as i looked back, i think that was the right decision... will share more about it.

What would i missed most about my grandma? I missed her smile... my grandma has Alzheimer's Disease, so instead of talking verbally, i use more of touching to communicate with her. Sometimes when you touch her, she will give you a very pleasant smile... of course sometimes she will gets angry. But i really like her smile! Another significant memory of my grandma is that she loves beauty very much! In fact, she is a very beautiful lady! When my friends saw the pictures hung on the wall in her house, they said her skin complexion is very nice! Then they wonder what happen to my generation... I miss calling her "ma ma"... i miss saying "ma ma bye bye" everytime i leave her. When we were at the memorial park, tears just can't flowing each time when i say "ma ma bye bye"... cause i know that will be our last time saying that to her physically. *tears. Sigh, so emotional lah...

Though the 3 days happened very quickly, yet i've cherished some of the things that had happened during those 3 days. I cherished the family coming together. Though we meet every Saturday for dinner at my grandma's house, these 3 days we talked more to each other... we shared stories about grandma... i enjoyed the time we had together. I also cherished the presence of my friends who visited me on the second night which i didn't expect them to come. Though they were abit loud, yet my family and relatives also joined in with some fun. What i cherished the most was that we actually prayed together... i really cherished that!

I also cherished that my whole family singing hymns together, sitting together for a sermon. Something memorable happened on the second night. When the pastor did an altar call on the second night, i took a peep to see what's going on. And i saw my dad raising up his hand. I have been praying my parents' salvation for a very long time... and i've always wonder how can the gospel be relevant to my parents who are party-goer. I've been dreaming to see them coming to know the Lord, yet i was shocked when i saw my dad raised his hand that night. Instead of jumping with joy, there were many questions in my head, i wonder does he know what he is up to? That night i managed to talk to my parents briefly about what had happened. They told me that they accept Jesus and his teaching, but they are not Christians they said. But i told them that when you accept Jesus means you are a Christian. Dad was more concern about him having to quit drinking, etc.. he also asked does that mean he has to go church immediately. I told him that it's a discovery process. I may not have the perfect answer for him, but i know that it has to start with some simple discovery. So i would really value your prayers for my parents and also for my sister and i to know what to do and how to do follow-up. I thank God for this Christian funeral has enabled my parents to expose to Christianity. After seeing what had happened, my faith has deeply increased. And i know that one day... my parents will become Christians! All this while i have been praying and been wondering when is He going to act? Just few weeks ago dad told me that he has been playing golf with some Christian uncles, i was really glad to hear that! Cause dad has been asking me some basic questions about Christianity! On the first night of the service, i met some of the uncles... and i enjoyed talking to them! Then i even asked them to stir up more Christian topics with my dad!

On the other hand, it was also a good news that my brother has been attending church in London! *Wee! Can't wait for the day where my whole family will be praising God together!

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Sun, 18 May 2008 14:45:31 GMT

Feeling anxious...

Inter-Varsity Students Training Retreat (IVSTR)
20-24 May 2008
Che Foo Methodist, Cameron Highlands

I've been assigned to a Chinese camp project which will be starting tomorrow. After many years of not using my Mandarin, once again God wants to bring that back to action. Kinda excited to know why He does that! In preparation for the camp, i've been reading the Chinese Bible, speaking Mandarin with staff and helpers. I find that the initial stage of reading those Chinese words are really difficult, I've been doing the reading and even the Bible Study in English, then only i change to Chinese. I do not have that slang anymore, Mandarin doesn't come out fluently from me. Until now when i look at those many many Chinese words, i still feel very overwhelmed by it! Each letter takes effort to read and to digest, but i find it exciting to revive the Chinese skill of mine! On a lighter note, i find myself have been laughing alot when i meet up with some graduate helpers to plan for an activity for the camp. I think there are differences between Chinese humor and English humor... or could it be me being me always easily amused by little things? I have been laughing over matters which doesn't seem to be funny to them! To the extend that they have to make this statement "cultural differences" each time when i laughed. hehehe... Feels so "ulu", right?

Though part of me is feeling very anxious about the camp, anxious because i feel inadequate in Mandarin, yet part of me is excited to see what God has in store for the students... what He has in store for me personally! I would value your prayers throughout this week, for the students, for the staff and helpers, for me personally. Thank you.